Resting under the shadow of His wings!

"I will take refuge in the shadow of His wings." psalms 57:1. These words are the words the Lord used to remind me of who holds my life in His hands. This morning I wake up and get a cup of coffee and sit down ready to talk to the Lord. Something in me is trying to pull me from Him and my flesh really wants to avoid the conversation that is ahead. The last week or so I have found myself not wanting to talk to God because I am sick of thinking about certain things and trying to figure out my mind and my heart. I was just not wanting to get emotional this morning and for those who know me my emotions are always present especially when it is between me and the Lord. I could feel God sitting there waiting for me to start talking, to come to Him. I could feel that he was looking for complete honesty and I wasn't wanting to give it to him but...the Lord always wins and I ignored everything in me telling me to avoid the conversation and dove in. I started to journal my questions, my fears, the knowns and unknowns, my desires and the things I think I don't desire. I was honest with myself and with the Lord about my heart and then....nothing! Sometimes I think we need to speak things into existence and then there is an action step but nope! The lord wasn't calling me into honesty with Him so he could fix me right there and then, he was calling me into his presence to present my mind and heart to him. He was calling me to give everything,, absolutely everything over to him! There are lots of things that I am fearful about my future but this morning I discovered there is one thing, one fear, I wasn't admitting to myself. Even after I admitted it out loud for the first time I found myself wondering if god could handle it. I genuinely was thinking, " god, this one is too much of my flesh surely that is my responsibility!" Seriously Jennifer Lynn Lewis! What the heck! Who am I kidding! This one thing has been hurting me, scaring me, stressing me out for some time now and I thought it was my responsibility. I have never been able to conquer this one thing by myself but today I felt the lord couldn't actually take it from me. Well, all I felt from him was a look like, "really?!?" So then I let go. I gave everything over to him! 

"I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings." Here is where these words became more real than I ever could have imagined. I am given a vision of myself. Yes, it was me as I am now but it felt as if I was a little girl again and there i was completely wrapped up in the huge arms of my Father. My arms weren't wrapped around him, just his around me. I find myself in a state of joy, sadness, fear, anticipation, peace... I feel free to cry, laugh, shut down, whatever. I don't have to be strong in his arms, I am simply wrapped in my fathers arms. Ahead of me is a path that I have been wondering about and trying to figure out. Jesus looks at me and offers to go in front of me and call me forward and he also offers to go behind me to let me choose which path I would like to take. But...in that moment all I do is tell him, "No! Please just stay with me and walk with me." I had this overwhelming feeling of him not leaving my side, all I wanted was my father to hold me and take me every step of the way forward. So he does! As he does we talk, laugh, enjoy each other. I ask him questions like, "why did you choose to spit on the ground to make mud and then heal a blind man? Thats just strange!" :) Before I know it we are walking the path together without me knowing we even stepped onto it. There is was! I didn't plan it, it just happened!

 I have absolutely NO CLUE where my path is going to lead even in just two months from now but today, I don't care! All I care about is that I am not alone. My father is holding me and is not going to push me away from him and watch me walk alone. All I need is my Jesus which is pretty awesome because he never leaves me alone! I don't expect the fears to go away and I dont think that is the point. Battles will be coming before me all the time but the thing is, I won't be by myself trying to figure out how to survive them. I will have the one who tells demons to flee and they must. I will have the savior of the world fighting for me. So, yes it looks scary but once you get closer to facing those battles, stop and realize you are far from alone! Blessings!

Hello September!

Hello again! Hope you are well! Well, I have now entered into September (can't believe it is already September) and I have started doing the team building activities I wrote about previously. The past two days have gone well! We played a game where there was fun, frustration, annoyance, but also enjoyment spent with each other. It is such a blessing to be in these teens lives and actually be used to hopefully show them the truth of Jesus! :) something else that we have started doing with my fellow leaders is a John study. Today I had the priviledge of leading the study. We looked at John 5 & 6. I want to share something the Lord revealed to me through the story of Jesus feeding the 5000. I have read this story so much but today it had a different meaning to me. In all honesty I am struggling a bit with my future plans. I am trying to figure out what I want but what also is inside the will of God. In John it says that Philip and andrew were wondering how they could possibly feed so many people with little wages. Andrew pointed out the boy with the loaves of bread and the fish. He saw a possibility yet continued to ask questions. How will that work? How will we split it? And Jesus doesn't take the time to speak to them about what he is going to do he simply says, "have them sit down." I can just imagine myself being like, "wait what? But we don't have enough food." and I can imagine him saying to me what he has been saying to be during this time of my life. "Jennifer! Stop asking questions and just watch me work." all the disciples did was prepare something very small and Jesus came and completely blew their minds. I mean come on! Can you imagine sitting there and watching Jesus tear and tear and tear and never running out of food!?! That is seriously awesome! I find do much comfort and encouragement in this story like I never have before. The lord keeps telling me to stop asking questions, to just be quiet. It has been kind of strange for me because I pray and talk a lot to god and now I am silent. But it feels like I am on the verge of a huge miracle coming my way! During this time of questions and confusion there comes this incredible anticipation and excitement waiting to see what He does next! I mean, I am living in South Africa which is pretty awesome and something I never thought would happen and I imagine this is just the beginning of what god is doing! Wow! Now I am excited! :) I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens. Yay! Normally I am not saying yay but now..... I am!

I also would like to tell you about a very exciting thing that is happening to a dear friend of mine, Kirby Mcerlane! Tomorrow Kirby is leaving on the world race!!! This is a mission trip that is 11 months in 11 different countries. Now yes, lots of people do this kind of thing after college but I feel that this is something so special and different. I have heard Kirby talk about the world race for about four years now. She had dreamt about doing this but I also remember her thinking she couldn't do it. I always secretly knew she would go eventually and I am so pleased to say that at 7 am tomorrow morning she is headed from Houston, Texas to Chicago meet up with her squad.

Kirby! I love you so much dear friend and words cannot express how proud I am of you for living out a dream! You truly always amaze me with who you are and your passion for the gospel. I know you are going to change lives nd in the process you are going to be changed for the kingdom of god and what better accomplishment is that! Never doubt that this is what you are supposed to be doing because I am confident in saying that you are in step with the will of god completely! Be safe sweet friend! Be a blessing and be blessed!