Anticipation...

Patience! This is a word I know entirely too well after these last few months.

 

As you all should know April 15th was supposed to be a huge day for me. It was supposed to be the day that God begins my journey in South Africa. I woke up that morning wondering if I would be on my flight that afternoon. I packed.... I went to go get my last pedicure with my mom... While sitting there getting my toe nails done I got the call. Was I going to be leaving April 15th? No!

 

While this experience was completely paralyzing it is a good story and its pretty funny. When I got the call and immediately started crying all the women in the salon were freaking out and grabbing me tissues and every single eye was on me. I am sure one day I will think back and only see the blessings on that day.... Actually, I think that day has already come. I remember my heart sinking the moment I saw a call coming in from Washington DC but I also remember what happened next. I remember my teammates, Casper and Ashley, calling me immediately from South Africa heart broken for me. I remember my mom taking me shopping and buying me a blue bracelet that she told me I have to wear to remember her while I am in Africa. This may seem so simple to some people reading this but you have to understand the context. The weeks prior to April 15th I had been completely stressed trying to make sure everything was working out with my visa because a million and one things were going wrong. So, because of that stress my last few weeks at home with my mom were not the easiest. This time of shopping and being with my mom was so special to me and its a great memory on one of the hardest days. :)

 

Thus begins a journey that I am not sure I am able to describe. Things kept happening with my visa that I knew it would not be the next day or the next week that I got my passport back. These last 49 days of waiting have been some of the hardest yet strangest days of my life. It feels like the desert. I have been in a place where I have no purpose, absolutely ZERO control, and what feels like complete nothingness. People ask how I am doing or feeling and I usually respond with, "......."

There are no words!

 

"The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." -Romans 8:26

These words have a new meaning! There were many days when I could not hold myself up and I fell to my knees and cried. Complete brokenness.

 

Then on May 10th a reason was revealed of why I am still here in Texas. Around 12:45 am my granddaddy passed away after a stroke. I was actually in Houston when I got the news of the stroke and had 4 and a half hours to reflect and realize how grateful I am for the Lord keeping me here during this time. I thought for sure that my visa would come that week but while I was sitting next to my granddad in the hospital I got news that something else had gone wrong with my visa and it could be months more. Even writing this now I have tears in my eyes because it has felt as if there is a chisel breaking me little by little.

 

Even though everything that has been happening has been hard I have never been angry at God or felt distant. Do you ever notice those couples who have been together for 50 years and they can sit and have dinner in complete silence because they are so comfortable with each other?!? That's kind of what it feels like. I know He is there and I know He is looking out for me but there are no words. All I can do is trust in the God who loves me more than I can imagine. All I can do is live out the words I have always read and believed, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28.

 

And now.... well, on Friday I received a message that said, "Jennifer, your visa is ready!"

Talk about a SHOCK! Again, no words! There is absolutely no reason why all of a sudden it would come through but I have decided that I don't care or need to know.

 

So now I am sitting by my front door writing this and waiting....

I'm hoping that my last line I type will be, "IT'S HERE!" with a picture of me holding it!

 

While I am waiting I am reminded of everyone who has been praying for me. I can't tell you how much it means to have people praying for me when I can't. It brought me so much comfort in those times that I wished I could find the words but couldn't. Thank you for interceding for me!

 

Side note: A fedex truck went by my house and my heart felt as if it was going to burst out of my chest. I also keep hearing things and every time I do I have to get up and check!

 

For the last two months my bags have been packed and ready to go but its like someone pushed the pause button on my life. I stopped thinking about South Africa and stopped thinking pretty much at all. I was beginning to wonder if I wasn't actually going to be moving to Africa. Then, the moment I heard the words, "Jennifer, your visa is ready!" its like I was taken off pause and playing again. I can't stop thinking about SA and I will randomly start giggling (Just giggled writing that). I even skipped around my house.

 

and...........

 

IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

(Don't be deceived by this picture because right before this I was shaking all over my body and balling my eyes out!)